Bad Fish

I ate some bad fish tonight. It was only a few bites, but that’s all it took. I sat on the toilet thinking for a good long while. Life can be grand but it can be equally sucky. Today at the hospital I helped clean a doctor’s office. He was a young guy, nice looking with pictures of his kid on his desk. He needed help because he was wheel chair bound. We filled up a recycle can and most of a rolling gray hospital trash bin with old files and needless trash. He’s putting a new IKEA desk in his office that will give him better access. 

Saturday night, I went to Concord to say good-bye to significant other’s great aunt and uncle. The great uncle has Lou Gehrig’s disease. The docs had just put a feeding tube in his gut and Sunday morning an ambulance service was transporting him to LA where his kids live. He sobbed when we tried to leave him for the evening. I felt like I was reliving my Dad’s deathbed scene full of pain and misery. I wanted to console him, but what could I say? Saying “It’s going to be all right” was a blatant lie. So, we stood and waited and told him we loved him. Sunday morning he left with his kids in the caravan for a skilled nursing facility south of here.   

My writing teacher wrote this on my most recent story, “the story doesn’t allow us to alight for any period of time in any one place enough for us to get emotionally involved.” I find that ironic. Life so intense and acerbic, I work on asbesto-ing my brain. It comes out my fingers onto my keyboard. I get that from all the writing teachers, “You are not emotionally invested in” either the characters or the story. Maybe they are right but then on the other hand, perhaps I am invested in this thing called life too much so. I should care less. Subtract some suffering. Pathos – 17. Does that yield something like an ice cream sandwich?


2 Responses to “Bad Fish”

  1. Lots of things going on in your life. Take some from the best and toss out the rest. Tomorrow will bring other bad fish to think about. Was this the aunt and uncle that you went to Reno with? Or was it Vegas?

  2. This was the aunt and uncle. I’m so glad we went. It was their last trip. Now I can’t understand what he is saying.

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