I got the flu shot and about a week afterward, I got the flu, which is not half as bad as what happened to my brother. He went to see his son, the marine, at his base. My brother went to some crab shack near his son’s base, ate a crab and got food poisoning. He barfed on the side of the interstate on his way home. I remember my brother vomiting only about 2 times when we were kids. Once was when his appendix burst and the other time was something about as dramatic. I think he had drunk about 5 quarts of whiskey. My brother does not vomit. His stomach is not built like way. He eats food and retains it no matter what.

That crab must have been all shades of rancid. He told me today he was calling up a Buick on the side of the road. No one can ever forget the sound of my brother regurgitating once you have heard it. If we want to win the war in Iraq, we could record the noise and fly some low level planes over enemy territory with the recorders on playback. Even his wife said the noise was surreal. I’m not sure she’d heard the noise before because like I said it is a rare and unusual occurrence. I don’t know how long they’ve been married because I have NO concept of time. My brother’s wife is known as The Time Keeper. I have to ask her about all time related issues such as, “When did MY dad die?” or ‘When did MY Mom die?” or “How old is MY husband?” I think every family has a Time Keeper. Ours is my brother’s wife. I’ll ask her next time I talk to her how long she has been married to my brother. She’ll probably say a bazillion years. Then she will probably say this is the only time she ever heard my brother, her hubby, barf.

My brother seems fully recovered from his food poisoning with one bionic burst. That is always the way with him. I wish I could eject my flu like that. One cough that would clear the street of people. Instead, this flu has lingered already for 2 weeks and now sunk into my chest with a wheezing cough, that scares me. I convinced myself this afternoon I had liver cancer and I needed a pet scan, surgery and probably chemo. I did all this while I was vacuuming. I decided I probably only had 6 months to live, so why finish vacuuming. There was no point. I’m sure you can see where that was leading. I sat down and ate a couple of brownies instead and a half a bag of cough drops, 2 Diet Cokes and 3 of those San Pellegrinos Araniciatas. I felt like crap and ate crap to make myself feel better. It sort of works. Perhaps only in my mind. Cough. Cough.


4 Responses to “Illness”

  1. I haven;t had the flu in a long time. Sionce I mentioned it here, I’ll progably get it. Nothing worse than food poisoning. My wife and I were in Eygpt in the 90s. We were sitting in the bar at the hotel when I got this bad feeling. I ran to the room with my wife behind me. I was so sick I thought the force of my throwing up was going to break the toilet. She wanted to call a doctor, I just wanted to lean over the bowl and puke. Drink water and puck some more. The next day I was better, but was afraid to eat anything until we got back to Germany. They say it happens to a lot of people who visit Egypt. Something about the water and not washing the lettuce or something like that. I don’t wish it on anyone. I hope you get to felling better.

  2. I am sorry to hear you’ve been sick. Hoping you are all better very soon. Let me know how you are doing.

  3. I thought a flu shot was to keep you from getting the flu? I remember last year when they were pushing flu shots in Arizona, then it came out in the news that the shots being sold were for a different strain of flu, so even if you got the shot you’d probably still get sick. So why bother? As best as I can recall I’ve had the flu twice, once in the early-70’s and once in the mid-90’s, I lost 40 pounds each time, coughed for six months, it was horrible, since then I’ve gotten sick, but not like those two times. In the 70‘s after I recuperated from that flu I seemed to be immune to everything, I never got so much as a cold until I got the flu again in the 90‘s.

    I don’t throw up either, I’d rather die of whatever I ate before I chuck it up. The concept of bulimia nervosa escapes me, once I eat something it’s staying with me until Mother Nature takes it course. When I was a kid a doctor gave me that nasty tasting syrup trying to make me throw up, he kept asking me, “are you nauseous.” I kept say “yeah,” but I never threw up, the doctor said everybody throws up Ipecac syrup, but I didn’t.

    We don’t have a time keeper in the family — none of us can remember shit. If I don’t write it down it’s lost for eternity. Significant other’s Mother was a living, walking, talking docket calendar, she remembered everybody’s name, birthday, their children’s names, anniversaries, when somebody got hurt, when somebody died.

  4. Egypt? Freaking Egypt? What the heck? I always heard that about Mexico. You know, Steve, I want to travel but it’s stories like that one that make my eyeballs like saucers and make me wonder about going anywhere.

    HEY CONNIE!!!! Thanks for dropping a note. I’m taking some antibiotics I found lying around the house now. I should be better soon.

    OMG AZ, I laughed so hard. I have NEVER heard of anyone that drank Ipecac that didn’t throw up. That is some sort of record that needs to be in the Guiness Book of World Records. That is hilarious.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: