10 Dog Things

sidewalk1

  1. The little dog’s breath reeks like stale cigarettes with a side of kimchi.
  2. After a walk, the big dog smells the little dog’s butt hole. Why? The little dog is the same dog that left on the walk. I didn’t swap her mid-walk with some stranger.
  3. The big dog has many names: Nikki, Moogie, Mooch, Googly Eye, Idiot Savant, My Nikki, Horse. The little dog has only two: Dinky and Dinky Bin Laden.
  4. The big dog will not vomit in the house. The little dog does not care where she lets it fly. She will vomit where you sleep.
  5. The little dog orders the big dog around because the little dog is the brains, and the big dog is the brawn.
  6. The big dog begs shamelessly at the dinner table. If we have guests for dinner, I tell them I don’t know why she does that. I feed her from the table, but not when we have guests.
  7. The little dog insists on eating a small plate of torn chicken breast meat each morning. I have tried to stop this ritual, but you have no idea how miserable an 11-pound Dinky Bin Laden can make your life if you don’t give her what she wants. Talk about your weapon of mass destruction. In your home. On your bed. In your face. Ouch.
  8. The big dog will poo in the back yard, step in it and track it through the house. Nothing nasty touches the small dog’s dainty feet except her teeth constantly gnawing them.
  9. The big dog is the most gaseous creature on the planet. If we were able to de-gas the big dog, she would be the size of the small dog.
  10. The little dog will not get out of bed before 10am. Don’t try to make her, even for chicken.
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5 Responses to “10 Dog Things”

  1. worldphotos Says:

    It appears I’m missing a lot, not having a dog.

  2. Ten things about my Little Dog from long, long ago:

    1. My little dog was not promiscuous, she wasn’t fixed until later in life, but she held on to her virtue like a lady ought to.

    2. My little dog stole my pillow every night of her life, all 23 years worth.

    3. My little dog loved the first person who went to bed with her, she would bite the late comers, even me.

    4. My little dog ate what I ate, I think that’s why she lived so long.

    5. My little dog’s first love was a German Shepherd, she tried to accommodate him, but he was to tall and she was to short.

    6. My little dog would pee on my bed if I came home smelling of “another” dog.

    7. My little dog would snarl and show her teeth at the mention of the word “bath,” but once she was in the tub she loved being bathed.

    8. My little dog was the only survivor of her litter, she got parvovirus, but my Mom wouldn’t allow her to die, the vet said if my Mom could keep her eating she would survive. Mom prepared as many foods as it took to keep little dog eating, and she survived unscathed.

    9. I have my little dog’s baby teeth, unlike most dogs she didn’t swallow or discard her baby teeth, she would bring them to me and deposit them in my hand. They are broken into little bits, but I still have them.

    10. My little dog liked to drink black coffee on road trips.

  3. WorldPhotos, you’re missing the vomiting and the gas part. Besides you have Youngster and Bushy and your own crew – an outdoor crew. They are just as entertaining.

    LOL! Love it AZ. I think my favs are #10 and #9. #9 is truly amazing. Only once in a blue moon did I ever find a canine tooth and it was by accident and when I lived on the farm. Your Mom was truly a gifted animal whisperer. (#8)

  4. gallimaufrieswiththat Says:

    You and AZ are natural wonders.

    re: The little dog orders the big dog around because the little dog is the brains, and the big dog is the brawn.

    Call ’em Master-Blaster.

  5. I love that Master-Blaster. It is their new nicknames.

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