This Is Funny, But This Is Not

Funny
Clerk, who just rang up my item: Do you need a bag?
Me: No, I don’t need a bag ‘cause I’m the old bag. Thanks anyway.

Any mention of Doritos.
Example: Your grandmother looks like a Dorito, nacho cheese flavored.

Another example:
Did you just comb your hair with a Dorito?

Not Funny
Clone jokes. I worked at the Yoga desk for over a year, checking people in before class and taking their money. People bought one ticket for 5 classes. Each time a person attended class, I punched a hole in their ticket. Then I had them sign in on the roster and put next to their name – 1 of 5 or 2 of 5 or 3 of 5, etc. I tried my best with the clone jokes.

For example, if that day I punched their ticket for the first time I would say, “Please sign your name and you are 1 of 5 today. If I see your other 4 clones running around, I’ll tell them to call you.” Blank stare.

If I punched a second hole for the second time they attended class on that ticket, it was 2 of 5, and I’d try, “You’re clone must already be here. You two can work out side by side and confuse the instructor.” Splat.

Some people asked what I was talking about. I would tell them I was working on my clone jokes. More than one person asked me what a clone was. I told them I would have to talk to them after class about sheep cloning, but then after class I would pretend like I forgot.

People do not think dog hair is funny, hanging off my back or in my shoe. People do not laugh when I say it is blowing through my house tumbleweed style. My next-door neighbor keeps suggesting her maid service. She also keeps suggesting there are ways to get rid of the birds eating at my feeder. I have no idea what she is talking about half the time. She apparently only likes purple finches. “You know, the little ones with purple heads,” she says. I give her the blank stare like the yoga students did me with the clone jokes. You can learn something from almost anyone.

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4 Responses to “This Is Funny, But This Is Not”

  1. I like Doritos, but I thought they were cloned. They all look the same and taste the same. I guess you can talk about Doritos and clones in the same sentence. Could be half funny.

  2. The only thing I ever hear referred to as a “Dorito” is a style of Brazilian wax.

  3. See, I think that whole thing is funny, Steve, but I think clone jokes are hilarious.

    What the…? I didn’t know that Dorito was a style of wax. I am so out of it.

  4. Maybe it’s those yoga people. Maybe they don’t like clone jokes.

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