Alligators, Swine Flu, and Nacho Cheese

Some lady in Tampa found this puppy on her front door step April 24. He’s 11 feet long. I can’t get over the feeling he took a part time job as a Domnino’s pizza delivery gator and it didn’t work out. Or maybe he was boozing all night and forgot where he lived. At any rate – Note to self: Scratch relocation to Tampa.

And so, I have been spending my spare time ramping up my paranoia about the swine flu. Oink. The press is telling me the virus started as the Avian flu poo-ed out by birds, and some pigs with swine flu gobbled the poop snack up and passed the enchilada to the humans. There ya have it.

cdcswinefluHere is the latest from the CDC. Though they try to sound official on YouTube, the guy was smirking. It doesn’t add to smirk jerk’s credibility when he says, “And a pregnant woman from Wisconsin died last time swine flu made its rounds.” I can hear my mother in my head, yelling at Mr. CDC, “WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE.”

I’m still volunteering at the hospital and from what I can tell they think this swine flu is the real deal. Whereas people used to wander around hacking up a lung, now everyone is wearing these blue surgical masks. It seems as soon as they are triaged at the ER, they are given a mask to wear.

nachocheeseAt any rate, I think the chances of dying are far greater if you eat the nacho cheese in the hospital cafeteria, and I love the nacho cheese with chips. I am emphasizing WITH CHIPS because I saw someone check out in front of me with just a container filled with the cheese and only cheese – that semi-liquid yellow cheese. It was a good thing they were already at the hospital because after they ingested all that goo they were going to need the emergency services. But then I thought again. They might get all the way home before the nacho cheese attacked their intestines. Hard to say. Then they could come back another day, and they would probably eat more nacho cheese in a paper bowl while they were waiting. It’s a vicious cycle at best and could explain why I see a lot of the same faces at the hospital, waiting for emergency services. The nacho cheese disease is the predecessor of the swine flu, as far as deadly diseases. Someone contact the CDC.


9 Responses to “Alligators, Swine Flu, and Nacho Cheese”

  1. My OCD has kicked into overdrive since the swine flu news hit the airways, I washing my hands, using sanitizing gel, and carrying individual hand-sanitizing wipes in my purse. If I hear someone cough, I pick up my pace and hightail it out of Dodge. If someone says I just came back from Mexico, I run as fast as I can in the other direction. My brother-in-law’s brother is in the hospital with pneumonia, he visits Rocky Point regularly, I told my brother-in-law not to visit him until the doctor says he hasn’t got swine flu.

    As for the gator, I’ve never been so glad that all we find at our front doors in Arizona is rattlesnakes, you can kill a snake with a shovel, I’m thinking’ if you smack a gator with a shovel you’ll just piss him off, either that or you’re announcing that lunch has arrived and it’s holding a shovel.

    I don’t like the plastic cheese everybody puts on corn chips, if I eat nachos I want freshly grated cheddar cheese on them. There’s something unnatural about the color of plastic cheese, and it doesn’t taste like it came from a cow, it tastes like it came for a petrochemical with artificial color added.

  2. Connie Says:

    I fully expect to find a nice alligator purse… oh I mean just plain ole alligator taking in dip in our pool someday. Our yard backs up to a preserve area with a big river beyond that and YES there are gators in that thar river! If I ever do find the unwanted creature I will gladly let him or her have the pool and the house to go with it! You do know that gators are just lizards on steroids .. don’t you? That’s what I think anyway!

  3. driver Says:

    AZ and Connie, I laughed my butt off (and out loud) about your comments about that gater. Your comments are way funnier that anything I wrote. These are my favorite remarks.

    I’m thinking’ if you smack a gator with a shovel you’ll just piss him off, either that or you’re announcing that lunch has arrived and it’s holding a shovel….AZ

    You do know that gators are just lizards on steroids .. don’t you? …Connie

    LOL big time…

    • The “Reply” thing just appeared overnight, I didn’t know what it was for so I clicked on it and the comment box appeared so I typed my reply. Dogbait has been using it in Australia for a week or two, but his screen doesn’t have the “Reply” prompt showing, but his replies appear directly under each individual’s comment, makes everything neat and tidy and sequential.

      • driver Says:

        Okay, you scared me. I lost the other indented replies for a minute. I thought the software was malfunctioning. But it’s okay. They other ones are under Maru. I like this.

  4. gallimaufrieswiththat Says:

    This swine flu thing pisses me off. There are LOTS scarier diseases out there which kill far more people every year. Like, say, REGULAR flu. Or bacterial meningitis. But no, the media just looooves to say “Pandemic.”

  5. driver Says:

    I love to say, “pandemic.” In fact, I just wrote a short story with that word in it right before all this swine flu scare. Figures. Personally, it I get it and that’s what kills me, I say it’s the piggies’ revenge. Call me a bacon lover.

  6. I read where is has arrived in Europe (just a couple of cases). I did have a soar throat yesterday, but it’s gone now. That Nacho stuff looks really bad.

  7. driver Says:

    You just had the swine flu and cured yourself. I’ve had a runny nose for a few days. I’m telling everyone it’s the swine flu. The nacho stuff is okay in small quantities. Like that, it could choke a horse.

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