Crazy Cafeteria Lady

rollarskateOakland is covered in street garbage, like some kind of bad birthday present wrapped in litter. It’s everywhere. It used to really upset me, but now, I guess I’m like everyone else – calloused to the rusted roller skates.

I walked over to the hospital again today and did a couple of errands. I picked up some donated children’s books from a lady in the surgery department and took them to our storage. We give them to kids who are stuck in the hospital either as patients or in the waiting room. As I was stuffing the books into our storage room on the 8th floor, I ran into a cafeteria worker who needed to get into the doctor’s lounge on that floor to drop some food. Her hospital badge wasn’t authorized to open the door and neither was mine.

I talked to her a few minutes, but in the end she said she couldn’t wait for me to call inside the secure area to have them open the door. She bolted for the elevators, and stopped two county sheriffs, asking them if they could help her get into the doctor’s lounge.

The county sheriffs are in the hospital because they are typically escorting prisoners. The prisoners wear orange jumpsuits. Some are shackled and some are not. Sometimes there are several prisoners and sometimes there’s just one. I’ve seen a lot of these prisoners, but I’ve never anyone like this guy today. He was 7 feet tall, if he was an inch, and he was shackled at the hands and feet. He had a crooked smile frozen on his face that gave me the creeps.

The sheriffs told the little cafeteria lady they couldn’t help her as they pushed the down button on the elevator. She kept talking about her food cart, the doctor’s lounge, and the locked door. In the mean time, I got on the far side of the room because the prisoner was rocking from foot to foot like he was agitated. When the elevator came, the first sheriff got in, the prisoner got in, the second sheriff got in, and then the cafeteria lady got in.

At this point, I couldn’t look. My imagination jumped out of my brain and ran down the staircase screaming, “You crazy cafeteria lady! The disturbed giant in the orange jumpsuit is gonna lean over and strangle you with those shackles for a piece of your chocolate cream pie. Then the sheriffs are gonna have to shoot him 54 times and blow tuna fish on rye all over the elevator.” Fortunately, one of the sheriffs stopped the elevator from closing and kicked crazy cafeteria lady out of their car. I wanted to call the local news and tell them, “Crazy cafeteria lady survives another day through no fault of her own.”

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14 Responses to “Crazy Cafeteria Lady”

  1. Here’s my take on the elevator situation, I’m thinkin’ if you grow up with normal parents, and the harshest thing your parents ever said to you was “no darling,” then you go through life thinking nobody is out to get you. I didn’t have a “no darling” upbringing, and I knew the crazy look in my father’s eyes when he was loosing control and he could accidentally take me out in a fit of rage. So as I walk through life I measure every situation with a wary eye, I make rapid risk assessments daily, having said all that, you couldn’t have paid me to get in that elevator with the seven foot shackled prisoner, I would have asked myself can he overpower those to officers, and if the answer came back “maybe,” that would have been enough to keep me out of the elevator.

    As for crap laying in the street, I still pick up garbage and take it home to dispose of it.

    • It’s sad but you are right. My Dad had this weird smile right before he would beat the crap out of me. Unhinged. I saw the same on the prisoner. I think, AZ, it is as you say. We walk carefully. I used to think my Dad was a sadist, and then after he got cancer and he smiled that same sick smile when he himself was in pain I realized he was a sadist and a masochist. He had to die or I had to die. And I guess it was his turn.

  2. Jeebus! I meant “two officers” not “to officers” — what’s the matter with me? 😯

    • I’m vision impaired. Seriously. If you put too or to or 2, I wouldn’t notice. My mind is so busy trying to read and get these damn black seizure worms out of the way.

  3. Enjoyed the story. If it wasn’t for 7 foot giants and little ladies that worked with food, life would be dull. I’d rather read about it then be involved with it. Grin.

    • I love the cafeteria people. In her defense, this woman was new. I hope she learns before she gets hurt.

  4. AZ, to officers worked for me.

  5. Oh my! You are super alert… I’m not sure I’d have caught on to the dangers and would have probably had the to (;o)) officers kicking me out with the Crazy cafeteria lady!
    having said that, what would I do for a piece of chocolate cream pie??
    We have the same rubbish problem here, it really annoys me. I live near a wood and the fly-tipping drives me mad!

    • Daffy what is fly tipping and I wonder if I have that in Oakland. The trash has driven me crazy for a long time and now I’m tired of the crusade. No one cares and it has worn me out.

      As for the other, Daffy if you had seen this prisoner, you would not have gotten near him. He was that intimidating.

  6. gallimaufrieswiththat Says:

    Like AZ, I grew up with a labile nutcase, so I too know when to cross the street. Volunteering at the local mental hospital (for the, um, criminally insane) helped too — I knew a lot of the street people’s back stories.

  7. AZ, the knot is getting smaller. Probably falling off in small bits and I don’t notice.

    • Nothing like losing the nubbin somewhere. Hubby’s fall off and I’m scared to think what happens to his frozen spots. Yeah, my thought is the dog, but I wouldn’t tell him because YUK!

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