Barking Dogs and Naked Butts

thecrew
I was over at The Red Squirrel blog, saying my piece about barking dogs. I know better. Anytime I mention some aberrant dog behavior, Big Dog makes it priority one. So, she did and in the middle of the night. Hound gone crazy. And she just kept on. Like my Mom used to say about us kids, “She just likes to hear herself talk.” I had to shut down the dog door. Big Dog was miffed. She couldn’t possibly save us from the creature if she wasn’t outside barking it to death. Little Dog was disgusted with the whole scene. In her usual Little Dog voice she said to the Big Dog, “You are a dope. A big one, full of loose hair.” The Little Dog has no patience for foolery, or shedding.

In other news, Hubby and I hiked along the Coastal Trail Sunday for about 5 miles, from Ocean Beach to Baker Beach, from the Cliff House to the Golden Gate. It was a good hike despite the fact we didn’t take enough water, got a tiny bit lost, and popped out on a nude beach. I’ve been on nude beaches before, and I’ve seen a lot of stuff, but the stuff I saw Sunday is stuff Hubby and I are still talking about. Most of it won’t be written about on this blog because I don’t run an X rated blog. The only thing PG rated was the man who apparently had never exposed his buttocks to the sun. He had chosen Sunday to do so. Whereas the rest of his body was tan, his ass was fire engine red. Maybe not even fire engine red, but siren red, glowing from the inside like a piece of rare filet mignon. He would definitely be visiting the emergency room later that evening with third degree burns on his hinney.

To be totally honest, I felt kind of odd walking by this man staring at his day glo butt. He was asleep on his blanket, and I was pretty sure a satellite could see his glowing posterior from space and would photograph it as a landmark. Normally, I would have been a good Samaritan, tapped his shoulder and told him he was perched on the precipice of a serious medical problem but he was…you know…naked as Jay bird. I figure when you go full monty, you are in control of your own destiny. Do not expect sexually repressed good Samaritans like me to help you.

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10 Responses to “Barking Dogs and Naked Butts”

  1. First, thanks for the mention. Enjoyed readintg about your dogs.

    Second, I may have to file a claim to recover my dignity. I’m glad my wife wasn’t near enough to hear me laughing like an idiot about your hike. “his ass was fire engine red” started it. “glowing from the inside like a piece of rare filet mignon”, almost killed me. “his day glo butt” was the icing on the cake. Driver you know how to put someone in a hurt. A big hurt. I’m talking about a laughing hurt. If you would have taken a picture with your phone, I’d have to visit the doctor tomorrow for some meds.

    This is the best post in a while. Good on you.

    • I’m glad you liked it. Hubby and I were really torn about the picture, but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know if it was the nakedness that stopped me or the flaming arse.

  2. Love the pup picture! We have a pup that loves to bark until she gets whatever it is she is wanting at the time and the other pup loves to bark at anyone that DARES to walk on her sidewalk! No Bark..means nothing to my two.

    Now to address the naked rear guy! OMG I laughed my rear off!!!!! Now that is one sight I would loved to have seen. Oh can you imagine the blisters on the hiney that could cause…OUCH! but still laughing!

    • Connie, it was unreal. I know that guy had to go to the emergency room that night. I think his butt cheek was one big blister. He was probably a tourist and had to go home on a plane but I’m sure he wouldn’t be able to sit down for the next 10 days.

  3. Ahhh skinny dipping, one of life’s little pleasures! I’m not one to boast, but us naturally tanned folks rarely burn, and we look a sight better in the nude than while folks. I can sympathize with Mr. My Ass Is A Beacon, my first hubby, the southern boy, once tanned his… his uhm… his little feller within a inch of its life. He was skinny dipping and sorta forgot that parts that never see the sun are prone to burning, he spent quite a few days spraying Solarcaine in his tighty whities. He was told that vinegar was good for sun burns, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to put vinegar on Mr. Pickle.

    • Oh AZ, you guessed it as to what else we saw sunburned. Totally gruesome. I think I’m going to have to get some counseling for it. These guys are so nuts. ha ha I said nuts.

  4. Y’all are killing me. I am laughing my not so sunburned bum off!

  5. And yes, Connie that is one thing we will never do. Show our lilly white arse to the sun for an 8 hour stretch. you think my forehead is a beacon, you should see my backside.

  6. gallimaufrieswiththat Says:

    SO the key is to go to a nude beach with my pale white arse and a full bottle of SPF 50 and ask some young dame to take pity on me, right?

    I want to know about the other X-rated bits 🙂

    • I don’t know about the pity part. As you can see, I walked away from it and left them to their own burnt ass.

      Oooh, the x-rated parts are too weird and well…x-rated.

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