Blowed Up Neighbors

I have the hearing of a dog. In my sleep, I can hear the police helicopter whopping above my house at 2am. I can hear my neighbors arguing inside their house even though all their windows and doors are closed. It makes me uncomfortable, like I’m eavesdropping, but the whole discussion is in Cantonese, so I can’t comprehend the disagreement, and I don’t understand the logistics of it either. I figure either you’re a yeller or you’re not. These people never have been, and to be honest, they aren’t much of one now. I think my hearing is so good, I can simply hear them arguing late into the night when they think no one is around.

And I mostly like my neighbors. The only one in question is the guy that owns the house next door. Fortunately, he doesn’t live there any more. He rents the house out, and I like his renter. The renter warned me that the house owner was going to be in town for the next two weeks. Sure enough, he came knocking at my front door today.

He wanted to know if he could take down our joint fence in the back and replace it with a redwood one. Normally, I would think that was a grand idea but Hubby and I had already fallen into this trap once before. He asked us the same thing about the joint fence on the front side of our houses. We agreed to the replacement and he tore the fence down…and…well…that was it. The replacement never appeared. We waited two years. Hubby and I finally paid for the new fence and put it up ourselves.

So, today, I’m standing in my backyard listening to the grand plans of Mr. Grand Procrastinator. He said the fence is rickety and pushed on it. The existing fence is redwood and didn’t budge. He looked at the fence some more and decided technically it is on our property, which it is. Then he asked what I thought about him knocking down the fence this week.

“I have no confidence you’ll get the fence back up, and then my dogs get out,” I said.

And you know how you say one sentence in a conversation that’s going along okay and suddenly the whole thing turns sour. That’s what my one sentence did. His face reminded me of a kid’s when you tell them put the cookie bag back into the cabinet until after dinner. He pleaded with me a bit, saying that he had already talked to the neighbor directly behind him and gotten his permission to knock that portion of the fence down. I wasn’t impressed. That’s a fairly large stretch of fence and only meant he would not be concentrating on putting up the fence on my property. He asked if he could get that down and up, could he move onto ours.

“Yep, but your back fence has to be totally back up and you have to have enough time to get ours down and the new one up,” I said.

The conversation ended with him in a pout, shouting, “Forget it. I’m not going to touch your fence.” And then, I had to walk him back through the yard, through my laundry room, my dining room, my den and back out my front door.

In my attempt to make his scene seem a little less temper tantrum-ish, I asked “Where’re ya staying while you’re in town?”

“My parents,” he said, but he might as well have said, “Mommy and Daddy’s” because that’s what I was thinking.


9 Responses to “Blowed Up Neighbors”

  1. You have hearing like my wife. I say she hears like a fox. She’ll look at me when the phone rings or the doorbell, that I didn’t hear, and she’ll say, are you going to get that. What? I ask. The door she answers. Sure, and I go and see who is there. She tells me I should get my ears checked and I reply, what did you say? I always get a laugh with that one. Twenty years in the military around all kinds of loud equipment took it’s toll. Good for you and the fence. He just wanted to put you in a trick again.

  2. LOL! I laughed at the “what did you say?” response to you wife.

    I suspected you were in the military a long time but I didn’t guess 20 years. Did you retire a general?

  3. A General, Ha. Not likely. I was a Warrant Officer. Logistics.

  4. I should have said, retired as a WO. I was enlisted for the first ten years.

  5. Warrant Officer, Logistics. You’re the smart guy. I can’t even get charge of small dog logistics in Oakland.

  6. Why didn’t Mr. Grand Procrastinator put up another fence on his property? We had a neighbor who had a chain link fence that had so many missing links that her dogs could walk through it, she didn’t have the money to replace it or repair it, so we just put up a new 8ft wooden fence right next to it, once the neighbor saw our new fence she took hers down. Double fence problem solved. I think Mr. Grand Procrastinator is up to no good.

    As for your excellent hearing, I’m cursed with the same ability. I’ve come to the conclusion that if someone ever breaks into our house while we’re at home it will be my responsibility to off the perp, since significant other is deaf as a doornail, and won‘t hear the door getting kicked in, or the window breaking, or anything else for that matter.

    • LOL! I never thought of that, but you’re right. We are pretty much on our own with the break ins.

      Mr. Grand Procrastinator is up to no good. He tore that back fence down and hasn’t been seen since. I am changing his name to Jack Ass.

  7. There is an advantage when the “Significant Other” starts bitching. Not that we do that.

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