Thursday

I set my alarm for 7pm rather than 7am, so I was 45 minutes late for my volunteer duty at the hospital’s gift shop today. I did manage to get all of our stock off the loading dock, and that’s real important because the loading dock is right across from outpatient psychiatric care, and if we don’t get it off the dock pretty quickly, some of it disappears. I suspect the nut jobs help themselves.

The bad thing about the stock was we were missing a case of Baked Lays, not the regular potato chips but the baked kind. When the baked go missing, I suspect the cafeteria. They have a hard on for Baked Lays, and we have tangled with them before about baked discrepancies.

I went to talk to Juanita, who manages the cafeteria. I explained about the missing Baked Lays and at first, she insisted I shouldn’t take anything off “her” dock. Then she insisted I shouldn’t be breaking down the stock. Then she finally confessed she had a new guy (1st day) that pulled the cafeteria’s stock inside, and we would have to talk to him because he may have snagged our Baked Lays, but he was at lunch. So, I left after she made me promise to return in an hour and not to take anything off the dock without telling her first.

I went to eat lunch. As I selected my egg salad, I saw Juanita right behind me. We sat at different tables. Her butt had no sooner touched her chair than one of the cashiers said, “Hey Juanita, the other hospital is here to pick up their 13 boxes.”

She blew like a firecracker and screamed, “They picked that up yesterday.” I had visions of my case of Baked Lays lost forever “in the system.”

After lunch, we convened in Juanita’s office – her, me, and the new guy. The new guy said he received one case of Baked Lays but Juanita claimed it was theirs. And then I had my talk with Juanita about “her” dock and what good would it do for me to tell her I was getting the gift shop stock off “the” dock. She agreed that did nothing. Did she check her stock on the dock? Of course not. Neither do we. She said as common courtesy we should call her when we put in a food order. So I said, how about this? We put in an order for receipt every Thursday. Expect our stock on the dock every Thursday. She smiled. She was happy and said, “That works.” That’s good because that’s what we’ve been doing for a year now.

I have to confess I found Juanita and the missing case of Baked Lays a little bit exhausting. I decided I needed a little “me” time so I went to the phone operators’ bathroom on the third floor. It is a nice bathroom with an open window, and no one much uses it. You can sit there and think. When I was ready to leave, the lock broke with me inside the stall. I had to slither out underneath the stall door on the bathroom floor.

I went to talk to the operators. They told me the lock had been breaking since yesterday, and the locksmith was “on his way.” I told her the lock was now officially broken with the door shut. The operator asked how I got out. I told her. She thought it was funny. Me? Not so much.

As I was walking out the front door of the hospital, I saw this respiratory therapist named Patrick or Benjamin. I don’t know what his name is because he has told me so many different names. He asked what was going on and I told him. He said I needed to see a shaman. I told him I had.

He asked me for some more proof I needed a shaman. I told him my husband’s electric toothbrush cut on twice while I was brushing my own teeth. “What else?” he asked. I told him the bedroom light did the same thing.

He looked concerned and said he was going to Mexico. He would get some branches off some tree for me there. Then he started talking about a movie with some guy related to the Dalai Lama. I didn’t make the connection between the Shamanistic branches and the movie so I told him I had to go home to burn my clothes.

“Understandable,” he said.

I left.

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6 Responses to “Thursday”

  1. Great post. Having a hard on for a baked lay, does make one think. It really sounds like a fun place to work until you have to climb under a broken toilet door. A shaman? okay.

    • It’s a weird place to volunteer but I fit right in.

      Yeah, a shaman and they did me no good. They always want me to find my power animal so it can help me. I dunno, maybe if there were some positive results, I’d be more of a believer.

  2. Just the other day [cough, snot], while we were doing our thrift story shopping [cough, snot], I had to partake in the ladies room [cough, snot], and let me tell you if I had gotten locked in a stall [snort], I would rather die than have to crawl my way out on that floor [retch], kudos to you for having the guts to crawl [cough, cough, cough] on the floor of a public restroom, and I hope you put up “hazard” signs when you burned your clothing [sniff, snort, cough].

    I’ve never tried saline nose solutions [snot], I just suffer the common cold until it goes away. I used Vicks Vapo Rub [cough], not that it does any good, but it reminds me of my childhood, when my Mommy would rub some on my upper lip to help me breath . [Sneeze] where the hell did that come from?

  3. Yeah. The floor was nasty. The clothes are burned.

    Oh boy. You still sound bad, you poor thing. Gazuntight. Try the saline solution if you get a chance. It’s pretty cheap and works good. I can’t do that Vapo rub. It reminds me of my great aunt too much. I miss her.

    • I don’t plan to leave the house until Sunday, if I don’t get better by then I’ll get some saline solution. I’ve coughed so much my stomach muscles hurt, you know you’re out of shape when coughing makes your muscles hurt. I can’t believe I typed this entire comment and I have coughed or snorted snot once, maybe I’m getting better!

      • You sound better. Do you feel better? I hope you are.

        My little brother coughed so much one time he cracked a rib. Coughing is very intense. I hope your cough gets much better too.

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