Knuckleheads

I went back to the hospital today because the gift shop manager has busted her foot and busted it bad. She is at home with a cast on it while us knuckleheads (volunteers) are trying to run the gift shop without her.

The big boss who is a really short woman (Does that make her the Tiny Big Boss?) opened the shop almost an hour late today, and the scene degraded from there. I forgot to refrigerate some juice I pulled off the dock yesterday. One of the guys forgot to close out the register, and the cash drawer looked like gophers had plowed through it. Tiny Big Boss put on her mean face and scared the kid volunteers who are either in school or fresh out, trying to get some volunteer hours in the gift shop so they can show worthiness and be transferred to the ER or TCU or some other blood bath to impress their pre-med advisors.

I left to restock while Tiny Big was still mean facing and as I walked down the hallway by the Outpatient Psychiatric Unit, the door burst open and 3 guys catapulted through the doorway, yelling stuff like, “My mother wore it. So shall I.” I’ve been there a year, and I’ve never seen anyone come out that door. They were at a dead trot too. I had to double time to outrun them, particularly the one with crazy eye who decided he need some change for the bus or maybe chips.

In the storeroom, I discovered the Funyons and the Lays Maui Onion expired on 6/16/09. I loaded all those chips up and took them upstairs to the gift shop. After lunch, the middle boss, who is in between Tiny Big and the gift shop manager, pointed out the mouse had gnawed on most of the Funyons bags. I had just made a sale sign for the Funyons too. I should have known. I could smell their farty odor, and you can only smell that stench if a bag is open.

While we were trashing the Funyons, Middle Boss said he had some good news – free Yanni tickets. I looked at him, searched my memory and determined the Big Guy LOVED Yanni. I told Middle Boss I’d take two tickets. Of course, come to find out later, the Big Guy hates Yanni. He loves Abba. (Aren’t they the same?) I couldn’t call the Big Guy about my gold mine of Yanni because he had lost his cell phone this morning and deactivated it. Turns out the Smart car, being a Smart Aleck, had pulled it off his pants and thrown it between the seat and the door.

In the mean time, we had the volunteer out front of the gift shop running the candy table who just charges whatever. I caught her again today. A customer walked up and asked, “How much are these?”

She said, “5¢.”

The candy was 15¢, so I spoke up and said, “15¢.”

Then she said, “10¢.”

I leaned over and showed her the price written in red letters on the bucket.

She said, “Oh yeah. 15¢.”

By 2:45pm, all of us knuckleheads had had enough. By 3:00pm the gift shop was closed as tight as a clam. I was half way home before I realized I forgot to put a note on the door saying, “Gift shop closed early due to knuckleheads. Gift shop manager returns on Monday with regular hours.”

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10 Responses to “Knuckleheads”

  1. Love the post and got a good laugh out of it. Yanni? Does he play violin? I could do a search, but that would take the fun out of it.

  2. I looked Yanni up and he just mostly sings with some other singers called Yanni Voices. Hubby even looked up the venue and though the tickets are free, parking is $25. Shocking.

  3. 25 to park. That’s where they are making the money. It would be like going into a free public restroom and finding out you have to pay 5 to get out. That’s if there was no crawl space under the door.

  4. At the elementary school where I worked our secretary loved Yanni…she kept one of the Yanni CD going all the time. Not into Yanniboy!

  5. Farty Fun-yuns. I will always think of this when I see those. And I see them a lot.

  6. I went to You Tube and watched a couple Yanniboy’s videos, he’s kinda hard to watch with all his hair flipping and finger manipulations, maybe he one of those artists that should be listened to and not watched, but then what do I know?

    • Now I went and watched YouTubes…or watched a few seconds of about 3 of them. They are impossible to watch. I went to his web site. Apparently Yanni is taking your complaint to heart. He has cut all his hair off and has some tweezer plucked mustache. He is also wearing black T shirts now.

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