My Life or the Lack Thereof

Today, I shucked 200 ears of corn for the anniversary celebration at our local grocery. I stood by the grocery’s dumpster shucking corn, listening to my iPod, and thinking about how I had not come very far from my farm duties. I’m still shucking corn, and if shucking corn could be considered a talent, I might be at the Corn Shucking Wimbledon. I’m the Serena Williams of Corn Shucking, only not as pretty or talented. Then I was thinking about getting kicked out of vocational rehab. I should call up that damnable voc rehab counselor and yell into the phone, “HA!! I am a world class corn shucker, Sucker.” I’ll show you bankable talent. Or not.

So, tomorrow is the actual anniversary party at the grocery. I’m wandering down there in the morning to see what trouble I can get in to. Then around 1pm, we start serving food. I’m supposed to be a server. I say, “supposed to be” because last year I served food and then was a bit of a bouncer. It was mostly just A.C. causing problems. He was drunk and swinging on one of the umbrellas and almost brought it down on the macaroni salad. I had to take his drunk ass around the corner and sit him down with food and a soda.

Speaking of A.C., I saw him today. I felt bad because he hit me up for money and I told him, “No.” He asked why and I told him the last 4 times I have seen him he was drinking (and staggering). I told him I wasn’t giving him money to buy booze. He looked hurt, but he nodded.

Then I saw Joe, another one of the other homeless guys. I did give him a couple of bucks. He’s been stone cold sober and was working on cleaning the store’s patio. We talked a bit and then he went off to scrub some more.

Such is my life. What it’s become I suppose. Shucking corn and negotiating with homeless guys. I think I need to get a new life, a real one.

Yesterday, I was over at the hospital pulling the gift shop stock off the dock and putting it storage. Damn if Juanita, the cafeteria manager, didn’t have her crew snatch our invoice and dig through our stock on the dock. Juanita’s got a bug up her butt about those Baked Lays again. I’m pretty sure.

Our new storeroom is in the middle of the new part of the hospital in the basement. It’s hot as hell with no ventilation. We can’t win. Either we get some place close to the docks with ventilation but mice and people breaking in, or we get a storeroom in the center of the earth. I was sweating like a pig and I’m a head sweater. My hair was standing on end by the time I was finished filing and rotating stock. After I left there, two people complimented my hair. Maybe that’s what the new storeroom is good for – fixing my hair. I think we ought to charge the medical staff $15 for a half hour and bill the place as a sauna.


9 Responses to “My Life or the Lack Thereof”

  1. Wow! Your life is filled with all things quirky! Corn husks, street people, crazy Mexican cafeteria managers, and magic hair, and then the clincher you own and ipod! Frak! I’ve got nutin’ that interesting goin’ on in my life, I’m gonna go eat worms.

    • I guess the ticket is each of us thinks our own lives are boring, huh?

      You know, I don’t think Juanita is Hispanic. I think she is Asian or Filipino, which is even weirder she has that name. And why, why, why is she after the Baked Lays?

  2. Driver, have fun at the market. Eat some of that corn you shucked. AZ, they are better chocolate covered.

    • Chocolate covered worms? Ugh.

      Hey Steve I tried the online bill pay yesterday. I paid EBMUD. I like it. I hope it works. I’m going to wait and see, but then how would you know if it didn’t work? AND I’m so grateful I called the bank to ask about the bill pay. For some reason, they had dropped the Big Guy off most of the accounts. I don’t know how that happened. We got him added back but it was rather weird. Thanks for the suggestion.

  3. Driver, I hope it works great for you.

  4. Girl your life is anything but boring!!! You stay busy busy. Sounds like you do good works in your life! You go girl.

  5. Sorry to have missed the corn and anniversary celebration:)

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