Is It Dead Yet?

dividerDefinition Scraper: Urban Oakland slang for late model Buick. Term acquired from suspected felon during his jury selection procedure.

Definition Crapitola: Capitola, California. Californians, specifically non-residents of said city, use alternate name Crapitola because of the city sewer’s propensity to overflow and flood the tourist section of town. Smelly sandbags are typically left blocking restaurant doorways a few weeks after said incident in establishments with names like Mr. Toots.
dividerOn Friday, Hubby went to Crapitola in his scraper to see his Great Aunt. Though the scraper did an admirable job of going to Crapitola, it crapped out (so to speak) on the way back. Hubby called me from the road. It sounded like a Las Vegas a slot machine hitting the mother load in the background.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“That’s what I’m calling you about,” Hubby said. “The old pressure gauge is going berserk, bouncing around like a basketball and dinging.”

I thought a minute. “Whad’ya gonna do?”

He thought a minute. “What do you think?”

In the end, we decided he should try and bring the scraper home.

“I’ll drive in the right hand lane,” he said. “And the gauge only complains when I press on the gas.”

“Try and coast,” I said.

I hung up and called my brother.

“It could be a relay or it could be the oil pump, or sump. I think they call it a sump,” my brother said from his man cave in Georgia at 1-800-dial-a-brother-Mr.-Fix-A-Wreck. “If it’s the pump, the car could seize before he gets home. Make sure he’s in the right hand lane, ready for it, if it’s gonna happen,” my brother said.

I called Hubby back.

“How is it?” I asked.

“Good,” he said as the oil gauge played a solid melody. “Traffic’s bad, but I still found myself in the left hand lane.”

And here, here is where I pause and break into a sweat because though Hubby knows a whole lot about cooking and sewing, he has never lived in redneck-ville and seen a car lock up on the interstate going 65mph.

“I’m-I’m in the right hand lane now,” he said.

The dinging noise in the background sounded like, “bite me now; bite me now.”

“How fast are you going?” I asked

“30,” he said. “Friday rush now, yanno. Irritating.”

“Be grateful,” I said. It may save the engine from locking.”

In 45 minutes, Hubby called, “I’m getting off on our ramp.”

I called my brother back. “He’s home,” I said, in my Houston ground control voice.

“Tell him not to block the Smart Alec car. The Buick may seize when you start it up,” my brother said.

I called Hubby one last time and watched him on the surveillance camera as he parked the scraper in front of the house. And so, we wait until tomorrow when Anad and Amir open their auto repair shop on the corner.


6 Responses to “Is It Dead Yet?”

  1. I get so ill with car problems!! I’m glad your hubby made it home safely!

    • I hate car problems too, more so since I can’t drive any more. Tomorrow, we’ll find out if the vehicle gets fixed or towed to the dump.

  2. worldphotos Says:

    The video was great. Sounded like a slot machine.

  3. What a clever idea, I hate it when I take my vehicle to the garage and they ask “what kind of noise was it making,” and I stand there either making funny noises or I try to describe the noise by comparing it to something they might be familiar with. It never dawned on me to video the car making a funny noise and letting the mechanic listen for himself.

    • Clever idea until the Hubby wrecks the car doing the video. I caught him the other day trying to steer with his knees while he videoed something. I should be a superhero, you know the one, the one they call Super Screamer. Anyway, he got a taste of my super powers then.

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