The Yuk Bus

Hot here. Too hot for me anyway. A lot of people were complaining about the fog and cool weather prior, but not me. I’d rather have a chill in the air. I went to writing class today and the first thing the teacher said, “Isn’t the weather glorious?”

“No.” I’m not going to lie about it. Every one else was complaining about how the gray was depressing. Not me. Let me tell you how it goes in my world. It’ll be 85 degrees on the bus, and the drivers will have the baseboard heaters going full bore. I don’t know why, and there is no asking. I sat in the back today on the elevated seats to maximize the airflow from the open windows. And the back is never a good idea. If some shit is going to go down, that’s where it’s going to happen. I’ve seen fights break out, and people snatch cell phones. I’ve had kids threaten me. All in the back.

Today, I was on the 62, and the 62 goes downtown, toward China Town, so we pick up a lot of Asians that are not content to sit next to each other and talk quietly. They sit rows apart and shout at each other in nasal Cantonese like turbine engines. There is no peace on buses destined for China Town. As we bounced around the smaller neighborhoods of Oakland, we pick up two elderly visibly dirty Asian men. They do their thing and sit a couple of rows apart and yell at each other like they are both stone deaf. One of them sits in a seat right in front of me. My head hurts from the heat, the yelling, the morning, the blown MAC, the sick dog, the lack of sleep – well, you get the picture. I want the two old guys to put a cork in it, even if it means I have to taser a senior. I have an image of tasering this old guy right as he opens his mouth to scream something out. Instead of yelling though, he picks his nose and wipes it on the seat. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse. I can’t stand it so I kick the back of his seat. He looks at me and wipes another booger on the seat. Did I mention the bus has cloth seats? Me staring at him and him knowing I’m staring at him doesn’t even slow down his mining for gold. By the time I get off the bus, I want to call the health department and have the whole bus condemned. I make a mental note to not sit in the back of the 62 any more for any reason, even if it means hanging from the ceiling like a bat.


10 Responses to “The Yuk Bus”

  1. Ewwww!
    First of all though, your writing is exceptional, sadly, an exceptional from me doesn’t give much merit… ;o)
    I mean, if I just take the descriptions alone I know exactly how that bus is.. I can picture it vividly and my mind is able to focus on and make images of the seats, the atmosphere and the passengers.
    Sadly I’d be inclined to have it condemned too! Slovenly behaviour!

  2. Enjoyed everything but the using the seat as a hanky. I would not want to ride that bus again. I had a Chinese friend that I went to school with. He taught me a few Chinese cuss words, that I have forgotten, but you should learn some.

    • Oh I need to learn them so bad. I want to scream them out. I did laugh at what you wrote, “using the seat as a hanky.” wish I had worded it that way. Would have been funnier.

  3. So glad to see you here again. I missed your writings. And all I can say about gross Chinese old men is EWWWWWWWWWW!

  4. Thanks Connie and that’s my sentiments exactly – EWWWWW

  5. Sick dog? Who’s sick? Little Dog? Big Dog?

    • The Little Dog still has the ear problem. She is slowly getting better, but doesn’t seem to be recovering totally. Of course, she is 15 this year and maybe it is old age.

  6. I think all automobiles should carry a warning sticker that says: PLEASE BE AWARE THAT ALL AUTO GLASS IS TWO-WAY GLASS, ANYTHING YOU DO WITHIN THE CONFINES OF THIS VEHICLE CAN BE WITNESSED BY OTHERS AROUND YOU! Maybe that would stop some of the nose pickers I see driving on our highways.

  7. LOL! They need a big sign on the bus, “No Pickers.” On one of the 57 buses someone has written over the stop request bus, “CELLPHONES SHHHHHH.”

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