Shopping, or not

I went in the Williams Sonoma store today. For someone who was raised on a farm and devoted to isolation, physical and spiritual, I can be absolutely traitorous to my upbringing when it comes to forcing my way through the crowds in these glittery good-gosh-almighty stores in San Francisco. And, I don’t even cook. But, there’s something about Williams Sonoma. Today, it was the pumpkin spice cake. I had one sample, threw away my tiny paper cup and had another. It was then, the sales clerk approached me and asked if he could help.

“No, I’m fine,” I said, thinking just don’t get between me and the free cake. I picked up a wire shopping basket, took a turn around the store, and hit the pumpkin spice cake a third time. About this time, I put some cheese sticks in my basket, took a fourth lap and staggered into a stack of pots. The pots swayed dangerous, but didn’t fall. Sweat popped out on my forehead as I imagined the horrendous noise, or should I say alarm, that didn’t materialize. I feigned interest in the spicy ketsup, the Italian hand made pasta, and the dinner plate with a rooster on it.

As I headed for another bit of cake, the sales clerk blocked my path with, “You know what really makes this good is the dollop of pumpkin butter on the top.”

“I hadn’t noticed. Let me try that,” I said cramming more of the same in my mouth, but now with pumpkin butter. I’m pretty sure I was up to a full sized piece of cake by now and had been marked as a moocher and not a purchaser, but I was losing control and beginning not to care. I took one more turn around the store, this time with the sales clerk close behind. He was going to stop the cake grabbing. And then, it happened. I cut a corner too close and he followed. I skimmed past the stacked pots, but the sales clerk, drafting off me, swayed into them. It was like a cartoon crash, where the pots kept falling, crashing, rolling across the floor, and then when you thought it was done, another fell, crashed and sent something else helter skelter into a stack next to the original accident. I placed myself carefully in front of the peppermint bark. And then while the sales clerk was busy chasing a pot lid, I grabbed two tiny cups of cake, stuffed them in my mouth, and got in the back of the line to buy the cheese sticks.

“Wow! What a lot of noise,” I said as the sales clerk rang up my purchase.

“Yes. It was,” he said as he gave me the stink eye.

8 Responses to “Shopping, or not”

  1. That’s great. You had me laughing and wanting a piece of that pumpkin spice cake. Hey, if they don’t put up a sign “One per customer” then it’s open season. Hell, they won’t go broke and that’s the intent of offering samples, get folks in the store.

  2. I’m in that store. I’m always in that store, squirreling samples.

  3. That musta been some really tasty pumpkin spice cake! I wonder how many of the pans and/or lids got dented? Bet the manager will have a thing or two to say to the store clerk about $80 worth of dented cookware to save a 8¢ piece of cake from the circling sample table vulture.

    • I think he was the manager. All the rest of them had on green shirts and he had on a red one, and he was asking people to work the registers. I think he was in charge of free cake over eating.

  4. Wishing you and the Big Guy and the dogs, a fine Thanksgiving.

  5. Happy Turkey Day!

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