IPK and the Fixed Hoof

I saw the podiatrist yesterday. Nice lady and funny too. She had broken her finger playing basketball so we compared war stories on breaking fingers and setting them ourselves.

I’d never been to a podiatrist office, and honestly, it’s kind of like going to the neurologist’s office. You don’t want to see most of the sad cases in those waiting rooms. They’re in bad shape, and in the podiatrist’s waiting room, they’re either in casts, dragging walkers, or limping.

Turns out, I have something called an IPK callus. My podiatrist had to pare it down with a scalpel, and then, cut out its core. Sounds gruesome, but the procedure didn’t hurt a bit. My foot is apparently a lot tougher than my skull. She said it was going to grow back eventually, and I could come back and see her when it did or I could walk across the street and buy something called a Ped Egg from Walgreens and pare away on the calluses on my feet myself.

I thanked her, paid her, and then wandered to Walgreens and bought the Ped Egg for $12.99. On the box it says, “As Seen on TV,” but I’ve never seen that crazy thing on T.V., and I have to admit my calluses are a point of pride for me, leftover from going barefoot on the farm. If there’s ever going to be an apocalypse, and shoes are in short supply I wouldn’t really need them. I have calluses as thick as any sole on a Payless shoe. I guess I should use the past tense here as in I “had” calluses. That Ped Egg got rid of ‘em. I hated to do it, but I didn’t want any more random visits to the Land of Gimp.

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4 Responses to “IPK and the Fixed Hoof”

  1. Glad it worked out. Nothing worse than pain in the feet when walking.

  2. “Land of Gimp” Jeebus woman how do you come up with these gems? As for the Ped Egg, can you use it to grate your Parmesan cheese when it’s not on foot duty :(? Geez I think I threw up a little on that last nugget of humor 😦 !…

  3. I laughed (hard) and then I gagged.

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