15 Uses for an Ottoman

  1. Use it as a dog. Pet it. Feed it.
  2. Use it as a hat. Wear it Easter Sunday.
  3. Drive it to work, but use hand turn signals.
  4. Stab it with your switchblade. Watch it bleed stuffing.
  5. Break the wooden legs off. Burn them in the fireplace. Roast marshmallows.
  6. Drag it behind a car until it repents.
  7. Launch it in a catapult. Break the neighbor’s picture window.
  8. Take it to Aspen. Snowboard.
  9. Ask it for its autograph.
  10. Take it back to Wal-Mart. Tell the store manager it was defective.
  11. Kick it down the back steps.
  12. Take it to the emergency room. Speak to the triage nurse. Tell her its back is broken.
  13. Give it to Seamus and Zak.
  14. Fill it under “O” in the lesser-used files.
  15. Flush it down the toilet.
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6 Responses to “15 Uses for an Ottoman”

  1. Monte McClain Says:

    I love it. Thanks for the list. I need to go get me an ottoman so I can flush it down our toliet.

  2. HA! I hope your toilet can take it over there. Ours can’t. EBMUD was at the end of the street this week working on a valve broken open. It’s always something, probably a flushed ottoman did it.

  3. We have two ottomans (or should that be ottomen), one lives in the garage waiting to be reupholstered (for several years it has waited patiently), and the other acts as a human ass trap. Yes, that’s what I said, its sole purpose is a trap asses, it appears to be a good solid leather ottoman, but when someone sits in it it literally collapses under their weight and it is impossible to stand again unless someone pulls you out of it. I would never get rid of my ass trap ottoman, it is a object of great amusement. :0)

    • OMG! I laughed so hard. The Ass Trap. Sounds like something Disney might do as a sequel to The Parent Trap.

  4. I think I would use it for a nap.

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