Useless Crap and Fried Pies

Google’s put up this new left side bar. It looks like this. Useless crap. It says “Everything.”

I could go on a rant right here, but that’s useless too. Instead, I climbed on a kitchen chair and got into the cabinet where the Big Guy keeps the cooking sherry. I’m drinking enough to make me quit flipping google off every time I search for something on internet which is about every 2 seconds. “Here’s ‘Everything’ right here on my left nav and you have NOTHING.”

Google, you might think I have nothing but at this very minute, I have a refrigerator full of fried pies. FRIED PIES. Say that with a Southern accent, Google.

The fried pie tale is one that started when the kid’s were visiting from Texas. They took the Park Avenue and drove to Fresno to visit friends. One of their friends there is a fried pie vendor and gave them a boxful. I ignored that whole scene because as a rule there are two things Californian’s can’t make: one is fried chicken and the other, fried pies. The kids actually left before I took a bite out of one of the pies they left behind. As painful as it is to admit this, I was wrong. Horizon Snack Foods makes an All-American fried pie that’s every bit as good as any Southern fare.

I ate the pies the kids left and then it took me a while to find some more of them. I had to put out an APD with my friend and she found them in some random Lucky’s in her neck of the woods. I went to Target and tried to make the Hispanic food manager understand me when I said, “Fried pie” which turned into yelling, “fried pie” because she kept saying, “What?”

Finally I said, “You don’t even know what a fried pie is, do you?” That’s practically un-American. And say that with a Southern accent. “Un-amer-eh-can.”


10 Responses to “Useless Crap and Fried Pies”

  1. Hitting the sherry, eh? My gal’s mixing Irish whiskey and opiates. Good for what ails ya.

    I can’t remember the brand of fried pie I was raised on. Whatever the common stuff is you find in the market. I only ever liked apple, and to this day I lust for the stuff. So you’re saying I’ve probably never had the real thing. Not quite as die and go to heaven as pecan pie or a good sweet potato pie, but close.

    • I’m throwing all my fried pie theories to the wind. Yours may have been every bit as good as mine. It’s what you were raised on. That counts for a lot.

      Whiskey and opiates. Sounds inviting right now. Maybe not so much tomorrow though.

  2. I read a lot of tech blogs, but I have to say, I’ve never seen one approach Google in quite this fashion. 🙂

    • I’m not sure I approached Google. It was more like I got snubbed by them.

      This is more a non-tech blog, a dumb ass blog written by a dumb ass for…er I mean my valued readers.

  3. I’ve been in Germany a little over thirty years. I’m a California boy and have been back many times. Maybe that’s why I don’t recall ever eating a fried pie. Could it have been called something else? It does sound tasty.

    • One of my friends says that the term “fried pie” is strictly Southern. She says people out here call them Hostess Pies, even though they are not all made by Hostess. I guess its like referring to a Kleenex.

  4. Empanadas either baked or fried, sweet or savory, I love ’em. Unfortunately I haven’t had a homemade empanada since I moved out of Shooter’s World (my old neighborhood where gunshots out numbered bird calls). My neighbor Rosa used to make fried empanadas, my mother used to make baked empanadas, usually apple or sweet potato. If I have one now they are usually from a Mexican bakery.

    • OMG! Totally forgot about empandas. I love love love them too, but you have to get the homemade ones. Hard to find. When I lived in Tempe, there was a woman that made those and tomales at Christmas. She sold them out of her home.

  5. PodengoMum Says:

    That is NOT some random Lucky’s. That is the largest Lucky on earth that has absolutely EVERYTHING you could ever want. Foods you remember from your childhood you didn’t think they made anymore. Catalina salad dressing. Wiper fluid refill for your car. Don’t diss the Lucky.

    • It’s still a random Lucky’s to me because I have no clue where it is even though you’ve told me about 4 times. Is Catalina salad dressing rare? Has it become part of the disappearing foods like fried pies?

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