Varmints – 2 legged and 4

The new doc tried to transfer me back to Dr. Asshole because “he’s the expert.” On what? Making patients feel like homicide is a viable treatment plan? I told Dr. New-guy I wasn’t going back to Dr. Asshole – not in this life or the next ‘cause I’m pretty sure Dr. Asshole has made a pact with the devil and I have not post mortem. I planted my feet in New-guy’s examining room, like I can do – my big ole size 8 shoes right on his bad carpet there by the relief map of the brain that had some really scary looking drawings of arms and legs attached to the frontal lobes. So, Dr. New-guy then baited me with things the medical profession can bait me with – migraine relief. I have an appointment in a month to see him again. He thinks he’s going to get my telemetry records from UCSF. I laughed. My telemetry records are “wandering the system” at UCSF which is code for lost, and that’s not as in the T.V. series Lost where everyone was in purgatory (or is it?). Dr. Asshole tried to retrieve my telemetry records from UCSF and he wasn’t able AND he used to work there AND he trained half the staff. Of course, he’s Dr. Asshole so they may have been taunting him with denial, as would be the natural inclination.

In other news, we had something – I say “something” because no one has seen it but the dogs – come through the dog door again. Whatever it is, it’s persistent and stinks. My juvenile mind immediately thinks, “fart,” but no, it smells much worse than that. The Thing got all the way back to the bedroom, maybe on the bed. It aroused Dinky from her deaf slumber, and then, it was hell to pay for a few minutes. I saw three furry backs galloping through the dark toward the dog door. That’s one too many, since we only have two dogs.

Last night, the Thing come back. This time we were all standing in the kitchen. It wasn’t even dark and I didn’t see it again this time either. I saw the dog door fly up high in the sky. I screamed. The Big Dog ran in place on the tile floor a split second and then boom – she was out the dog door after it. Either my scream or the Big Dog scared the poo out of the Thing. There was mess all over the porch.

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4 Responses to “Varmints – 2 legged and 4”

  1. I’ve been told raccoons smell to high heaven, maybe your furry stalker is a raccoon! I’m surprised that it returned after being chased by the dogs. Maybe you ought to set a trap for it, but then again you’d probably catch Little Dog.

    As for lost documentation, I think banks and medical institutions use lost records as an excuse, they don’t want to deal with you so they conveniently “misplace your records.” We use up more toner making copies of everything important, because we know just because we sent it registered mail, return receipt requested, there is no guarantee that in two months we will get the dreadful “we have no record of that” excuse. There must be a huge sink hole somewhere filled with all the missing paperwork we’ve sent off.

  2. HA! I like the idea of a huge sink hole with all the lost paperwork. That would make a great short story. If you really wanted to make a decent living you would mine the sinkhole and then ransom the information back to its owner.

    I think the Thing is a raccoon. We got some have-a-heart sprinkle stuff and put it on the fence. The creature has not been back. Thankfully because we are leaving town. I have images dancing in my mind of the pet sitter finding a dead raccoon in our house.

  3. Could it be the ghost of a dog you once had, wanting to come home. Just a weird thought.

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