I’ve been thinking a lot lately about these online dating sites – eHarmony,, JDate. Most of my friends are single females and most of them say they would like to have a significant other. To them I say, come over to my house at 2am and hear the freight train roaring through our bedroom which is really not a freight train at all, but the Big Guy snoring. If you like it, belly up to the bar. In other words, sign up for an online dating service.

I’ve interrogated a lot of my friends who’ve used these online dating sites and here’s some of the criticisms:
1) You have to answer a lot of questions
2) You have to be witty in the email
3) JDate is the best one, but it’s only for Jews

So, I was thinking, I should set up an online dating service called eHillbilly, and I was thinking that
1) Because technically (Born there. Raised there. Still speaking with a Southern accent) I am a hillbilly and always will be. I could be the CEO.
2) Hillbilly life is easier (possibly from less intelligence exerted – hard to say)
3) Hillbillies don’t talk much and certainly don’t entertain email
4) Perhaps it would become clique-ish like JDate, and hence just as popular

Here would be my prerequisites for joining eHillbilly, and you only need to qualify in 3 out of 5:
1) Drive a pick up truck
2) Speak with a Southern accent
3) Use improper verb/subject agreement (not all the time, just occasionally when excited or drunk)
4) Take your dog with you every where you go
5) Know who Minnie Pearl was and sincerely think she was a comedic genius

eHillbilly would connect hillbillies with other hillbillies for walks through Wal-Mart or dinners at The Sizzler. No one need say squat. They could simply bask in the sound of the freight train roaring through their bedroom.

8 Responses to “eHillbilly”

  1. This is very funny. I think the pick-up should have a gun rack.

  2. CEO = Chief Ear-cleaning Ozark?

  3. I take my dog everywhere with me but I don’t think I want to go for Walks in Walmart!

  4. Driver, I wish the best for you and the Big Guy over the Holidays. Can’t forget hounds, the best to them also.

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