Archive for the computer Category

Freakin’ Notes

Posted in computer, she-it on September 19, 2010 by Nada

I found another note on my desk IN MY HANDWRITING. It says, “Draft, Interested week, Try to South.” Bummer. What does that even mean? I threw the note out and have moved onto the next hot topic of concern – installing the flash plug in on my Mozilla browser on our Linux EEE PC. That machine is a punk, with baggy pants and its briefs showing. I’d like to sail it across the yard, like a plastic frisbee into the wooden fence, and watch components fly into the air, like tiny birds.


Useless Crap and Fried Pies

Posted in computer, food, general weirdness on May 25, 2010 by Nada

Google’s put up this new left side bar. It looks like this. Useless crap. It says “Everything.”

I could go on a rant right here, but that’s useless too. Instead, I climbed on a kitchen chair and got into the cabinet where the Big Guy keeps the cooking sherry. I’m drinking enough to make me quit flipping google off every time I search for something on internet which is about every 2 seconds. “Here’s ‘Everything’ right here on my left nav and you have NOTHING.”

Google, you might think I have nothing but at this very minute, I have a refrigerator full of fried pies. FRIED PIES. Say that with a Southern accent, Google.

The fried pie tale is one that started when the kid’s were visiting from Texas. They took the Park Avenue and drove to Fresno to visit friends. One of their friends there is a fried pie vendor and gave them a boxful. I ignored that whole scene because as a rule there are two things Californian’s can’t make: one is fried chicken and the other, fried pies. The kids actually left before I took a bite out of one of the pies they left behind. As painful as it is to admit this, I was wrong. Horizon Snack Foods makes an All-American fried pie that’s every bit as good as any Southern fare.

I ate the pies the kids left and then it took me a while to find some more of them. I had to put out an APD with my friend and she found them in some random Lucky’s in her neck of the woods. I went to Target and tried to make the Hispanic food manager understand me when I said, “Fried pie” which turned into yelling, “fried pie” because she kept saying, “What?”

Finally I said, “You don’t even know what a fried pie is, do you?” That’s practically un-American. And say that with a Southern accent. “Un-amer-eh-can.”

Working from Home

Posted in animal, computer on January 18, 2010 by Nada

iWeb, Nutrisystem, and the Drunks

Posted in computer, food, life, Oakland on January 6, 2010 by Nada

iWeb. That’s the MAC’s software version of how to make a quick and easy web. It’s a code generator and code generators are just that. They generate code that’s odd and not so efficient. Sometimes, they keep you from doing things you want, like deleting a gradient on one of their templates or changing the font size on their navigation hyperlinks. It was a fight and I’m afraid iWeb won. I came away with a busted pair of eyeglasses and a black eye. I did manage to put together this little web for a friend’s dog.

Before I got all entangled with the devilish iWeb, I decided I was fat, as in too fat, as in there were damn few pairs of pants in my closet I could zipper myself into. I thought about going back to Jenny Craig. The food is relatively good, and I did lose some weight, but the down side is the office visits for the “weigh in,” which turned into a lengthy discussion of “why are you not losing more weight?” which turned into half a day wasted, getting there and back along with talking about the obvious. I was cheating on Jenny and stuffing MacDonalds in my pie hole when she wasn’t looking.

This time, I decided on Nutrisystem. You can order it off the internet. They ship a month’s worth of food to your house, and you can do the “weigh in” at home. It all sounded great.

And then they shipped 34 pounds of food to my house. 34 pounds in one box. The UPS man had to haul it up to my front porch. AND they stamped their name all over it. Now, I know my UPS man. I know him pretty well. His name is Robert. I see him everywhere. I can always count on him for a wave and a smile. I had a vision of him talking about the 34 pound diet food box when he returned his truck to the dock after 7pm.

And then, there’s also this. The Nutri-food tastes like ass. Yeah. Whereas Jenny had some pretty yummy food, this stuff is MRE (meals ready to eat). Army rations. The Golden Pound Cake is a bathroom sponge. The spaghetti is a recycled dishrag. The chocolate chip cookie is a pocket off a fleece bathrobe.

And to top all that, some drunk punk was picking lemons off my tree around 1am this morning and heaving them down the street at his drunk staggering girl friend. I know. I was trying to watch Criminal Minds. Little did I know, criminals were on my own street without any minds, working on my lemon tree. I gave ‘em the old evil eye out the window, but that didn’t slow them down. I woke up the sleeping giant – the Big Guy. He shot out of bed, ran to the door in his jockey underwear, swung the door open, jumped out on the front porch and yelled gibberish at the lemon throwers. Straight sleep walking gibberish. But it was so loud and his long white legs were so scary, they took off down the street as best as their wobbly legs could scamper.

The MAC is Whacked

Posted in computer on August 9, 2009 by Nada

First, my external back up hard drive failed. On Friday, I bought a new external drive but I was too tired to install it. Instead, I went to bed. Sometime Saturday, the MAC toasted itself in the middle of the night. Soo, Saturday morning I had no good back up, and a worthless MAC. I spent most of the day going to and fro from the Apple store. The only saving grace was the hard drive on the toasted MAC was readable.

Needless to say, the blog is closed for a while. Technical difficulties…and a lot of cursing.

Technology Fail

Posted in computer, general weirdness on August 4, 2009 by Nada

Just Say No to TweetingI had a twitter account for a few months, but I deleted it because of the 140 word limit. I felt restricted, like my writing was cinched up in a straight jacket. Then one of my friends said, “Follow me on twitter and I’ll follow you.” I contacted twitter and begged for my old account back. Twitter tech support made me wait a couple of months, but they eventually provided. Then Brittany Spears got her twitter account hacked, so I deleted mine a second time. I’m not sure why. All I could think of was if it could happen to Brittany, it could happen to me. But that means some bad hair extensions could happen to me also.

Today, my backup drive crashed in a weird pathetic way, crying for help with its light blinking and trying to accommodate time machine. For you non-MAC users, our OS has a time machine feature that allows for automatic incremental backups. Granted, time machine was working my hard drive like a nanny goat on a cheese farm, but it was nice. Backups. Incremental. Okay, I thought it was nice. That was the perception. Reality is I can’t get jack off the backup, and the drive is so hosed the disk repair utility says all manner of crazy talk in red, so its sure that I read it.

Napalm, Mac, and Mousey

Posted in animal, computer, general weirdness, holy crap, life, she-it, whatevah on June 4, 2009 by Nada

Thunder. Here. This morning. Scared the Little Dog. I had to hold her like a baby child. And me? I’d forgotten what it sounded like.

This bird on one side of my house refuses to let me sleep late. He doesn’t have a pretty song either. He sounds like he’s beating two rocks together. I want to shoot him. I want to bring him down in a hail of gunfire. As in Oakland. As in gangland style sparrow slaying.

Now, I have a set of crickets on the other side of the house. Pathetic. I only have two choices of sleeping locations. I can sleep on the sofa, which is on the side of the rock-pounding sparrow, or I can sleep in the master bedroom, which is on the side of the cricket chorus. I want DDT and a lot of it. I want napalm. I want to defoliate the whole block.

My MAC is acting an ass, and I’m afraid it might partially be my fault though I don’t want to accept blame for it, so I won’t. I was trying to speed things up so I cleaned up the start up folder. I did one of these, “What’s this? I don’t know. I think I’ll delete it.” That was last week, but today Entourage, which is the MAC’s version of Outlook, keeps crashing.

Yesterday, I was at the hospital, pulling stock in the gift shop storeroom, and I discovered the mouse was back. He had snacked on some Ranch Flavored Doritos and regular Cheetos. Right now, the gift shop’s storeroom is next to the loading docks and the Psychiatric Ward. In fact, I suspect the psych(o) guys of swiping stuff off our palette on the dock before we get a chance to put it in our storeroom. Anyway, we are moving to a new storeroom, which is larger, more secure, and in the center of the hospital. I hope we don’t accidentally give Mousey a ride to the new storeroom in one of the boxes when we transport the stock. He’d be like King Mouse, riding his thrown to his new kingdom of everlasting manna.

I said something along those lines to the head of volunteer services. His response was some sort of Disney mouseology where he explained, “Mice don’t live where they eat. They eat one place, and then go out and live some place else.” (And wear white gloves, no doubt.)

I just stared at him because there was no point in rebutting ca-ca like that. I grew up on a farm. Mice eat, crap, breed, and live at the same location. Ask our barn.