eHillbilly

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about these online dating sites – eHarmony, Match.com, JDate. Most of my friends are single females and most of them say they would like to have a significant other. To them I say, come over to my house at 2am and hear the freight train roaring through our bedroom which is really not a freight train at all, but the Big Guy snoring. If you like it, belly up to the bar. In other words, sign up for an online dating service.

I’ve interrogated a lot of my friends who’ve used these online dating sites and here’s some of the criticisms:
1) You have to answer a lot of questions
2) You have to be witty in the email
3) JDate is the best one, but it’s only for Jews

So, I was thinking, I should set up an online dating service called eHillbilly, and I was thinking that
1) Because technically (Born there. Raised there. Still speaking with a Southern accent) I am a hillbilly and always will be. I could be the CEO.
2) Hillbilly life is easier (possibly from less intelligence exerted – hard to say)
3) Hillbillies don’t talk much and certainly don’t entertain email
4) Perhaps it would become clique-ish like JDate, and hence just as popular

Here would be my prerequisites for joining eHillbilly, and you only need to qualify in 3 out of 5:
1) Drive a pick up truck
2) Speak with a Southern accent
3) Use improper verb/subject agreement (not all the time, just occasionally when excited or drunk)
4) Take your dog with you every where you go
5) Know who Minnie Pearl was and sincerely think she was a comedic genius

eHillbilly would connect hillbillies with other hillbillies for walks through Wal-Mart or dinners at The Sizzler. No one need say squat. They could simply bask in the sound of the freight train roaring through their bedroom.

It’s a War Zone Here

Tuesday morning OPD and the highway patrol chased down some kids on the bay bridge and arrested them. The news was all over it, saying those suspects were the ones responsible for the home invasions robberies. Maybe. On Wednesday, I took this photo, of the police responding to an armed robbery call across the street from where I buy dog food.

In the mean time, the police made more arrests of two different sets of suspects. The news keeps reporting the woman in the last set of arrests says she “accidentally” shot a victim. What the hell? She shot someone. It doesn’t matter whether she “accidentally” did it or not. She used a gun to perpetrate a crime. And then this happened last night after the victim got off the 57 bus, down the MacArthur corridor.

In the mean time, we seem to have an offer on the house. Seems like a good offer. We are selling it “as is” now, and at a good price. Yup, we are running. Seems like the prudent thing to do at this point, and I have to admit I’m more than a little angry with my realtor. At a meeting to discuss terms, she told me I was all “entrenched” in this scene, and it was my “reality.” Then she tacked on “You make you own reality.” Huh? Um, yeah, the home invasion was across the street from me. The robbery was across the street from my pet store. The killers of this last victim were on the bus I ride. How does one get dis-entrenched from this? Well, something will happen to her, and then soon I suppose it will suddenly become her reality too.

UPDATED: Yup, another shooting.

5 More Robberies

Tonight. 2 miles from here, near MacArthur Corridor, Dimond District. Same guys as the ones doing the home invasions, same time, but different car. Now they are using a black Lexus. Still 2 African American males, waiting in the dark around 7pm for unsuspecting people to come home. Then, they rob their victims at gunpoint. SEND HELP!!!! It’s a war zone here, and we are getting hammered.

Whoa Nellie!

I think “Whoa Nellie” is a Southern saying. It’s the nice version of SHE-IT. Anyhoo, the heat is raging on here, at least for today. Weatherbug’s a liar. It’s already 95 degrees at noon and going to be steadily climbing until tomorrow, then was should get some fall temperatures. I like the weatherman who said mid-broadcast a few days ago, “Summer’s finally here on the first day of fall.” Hilarious, and yet not, as I look at my doggies splayed out on the oriental rugs with their tongues lolling out of their mouths. The small dog keeps giving me the “what for?” because I won’t take them outside of the house in the heat.

Macy’s Mess

This is Macy’s downtown San Francisco 6th floor, by the windows facing Union Square. I walked over to the windows to get better cell phone reception and found this, hoarders trash heap. WOW! Not really something I wanted to see, and frankly, hard to believe. At first I thought maybe it was stored displays, but if you look closely there’s garbage thrown in there amidst the rubble. Damn, Macy’s. Get a grip, or a cleaning crew or a dumpster. You can do better than this. Way better.